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You see, you can tell a lot about how someone sees you not just by the things that they say and do (or don’t say and do) but also by the status that you have in their life. If you’re called the girlfriend but treated like something they stepped in, is there any point in clinging hard to the title?If you’re one in a long line of women that they’re sleeping with, does it matter whether you think you’re number one, five, or eight, or shouldn’t you be concerning yourself about the fact that there is more than one?!Having a ‘title’ in a relationship is all about status, but not just any old status, but an status and one that should be at least equal to, if not surpassing the status of previous women who have had the ‘property deeds’.It’s a status that needs to be acknowledged by him and ideally by your peers and anyone else you think needs to know. Because we think it tells us where we stand, where we fit in, and what we think we can expect, want, and need from them in the relationship.If they are reluctant to commit to you and reluctant to commit to labelling the relationship, doesn’t that speak volumes about your relationship?Trust me when I say that if you can’t get him to commit defining the relationship, you’re not going to get him to commit to anything.He’s not keeping it a secret, there is no secret this or secret that – you are out in the open and official by association.When a man wants to be with you, he’s not going to keep the status of the relationship a secret from you.

Straight off the bat you can learn two things from my experiences: 1) A title is really only as good as the relationship you’re in and, 2) Sometimes you want the title just for the sake of your ego.

I don’t know what I thought I would feel if we were official and out in the open, I just knew I had to have it and I was devastated that I didn’t.

I have another confession: I overheard the Mr Unavailable who ended up giving me my epiphany after a barely there five month relationship, telling the waiter at the restaurant we used to go to that we were “friends” when I was on the way back from the bathroom.

Many women are obsessed with titles and we use them and status, to justify our involvement in dubious relationships with the emotionally unavailable and assclowns, often letting our ego get out of whack in the pursuit of a title.

When women email me about their complicated relationships, particularly when there’s at least three people in the relationship, I get references to ‘main woman’ ‘other woman’ ‘mistress’ ‘girlfriend’ ‘official girlfriend’, ‘I want us to be official’ ‘rights’ ‘expectations’ ‘responsibilities’ and more.

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You will your title and it’ll be one you can be happy with, not a title tied up in poor love habits and low self-esteem.

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